Success Is Harder Than You Think

One top notch corporate trainer invited me to her office and talked to me about the challenges she has to face in her company. Business is good. In fact business is extremely good. From a work force of 300 Main Office expect her to grow her work force to about 900 within two years time. This is her challenge.

I smiled and I assured her the situation is not unique especially in her industry. Recruiting good people is a big challenge in itself let alone train them and prepare them to take over leadership positions. And then this charming lady said something I will not forget. She says many of her qualified people who are being groomed for positions of leadership are hesitant to take on the responsibility.

Now don't get me wrong. The perks are there, the pay increase offered and of course the opportunity for further advancement yet there is great hesitation on the qualified candidates to take up on the offer. This puzzled me and when I asked why she explained somberly that the new success of these people is looked with disdain from their former peers who now consider them as outcasts from their inner circle. And now they are troubled.

This phenomenal experience is not unique. It happened to famous Hollywood actor Dustin Hoffman. Dustin Hoffman once said that if he had known how much success awaited him, he never would have become an actor.

The book entitled: “ Whoever Makes the Most Mistakes Wins ” authored by Ralph Keyes talks about this.

The Oscar- winning movie star explained that he began acting expecting to fail. He was mistaken, and sorry about it. Hoffman found that the costs of success included not only a serious loss of privacy, but having to forego the company of failed actors. The latter was especially frustrating. According to Hoffman, failed actors were much better company than successful ones. That's not true just of actors. In general, those who aren't successful (on the world's terms) tend to be better company than those who are. They not only have more sympathy for others, but more time to spend with them.

Success is extremely time consuming. Scheduling becomes a problem. Those who get to the top and want to stay there have little room on their calendars for much else: hobbies, travel, family, and friends. A pal is someone you can call, or drop in on, at a moment's notice. This is seldom possible after one becomes prominent.

According to Bette Midler, “The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you. When we're doing well and report that news to others, we would like to think they'll be happy. This is seldom true. “Anyone can sympathize with sufferings of a friend,” said Oscar Wilde, “but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.

There's a German word- “schadenfreude” - that refers to the guilty pleasure of hearing about someone else's misfortune. There is no comparable word for the joy of hearing about another person's good fortune because that feeling is so rare. When someone else tells us how well they're doing instead of feeling pleasure, we often feel rotten. Leads to envy, followed by resentment then anger and despair.

Everyone fails. Only a handful succeeds. Since even apparently successful, however, a sense of failure is the most common human condition. Hearing about someone else's difficulties elicits our humanity. We emphasize with those in distress and want to lend them a hand or at least a sympathetic ear. But when we hear of a person being successful, then it takes a great amount of confidence and character to be able to celebrate other people's success.

There is always a price to be paid for success.

Only secure people would celebrate your success.

This is why people should be trained to handle success. People should be trained for leadership skills. And the HR lady of this very prestigious firm is right on target.

She sees the importance of training her people in different leadership levels the right skills for leading people.

Here is my advice: If you cannot be a runner-up, try not to be a runner down.

Learn to celebrate success and if God has granted you success, learn to be humble and gracious with other people.

Lisa Edmondson "A talented trumpeter who toots his own horn winds up playing to an empty theatre. A talented trumpeter who lets others recognize his talent winds up a legend."

(Send me your feedback and write me: franciskong@businessmatters.orgThis e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it I also invite you to listen to my radio program “Business Matters” aired 8:30a.m. and 6:30p.m. daily over 98.7 dzFE-FM 'The Master's Touch', the classical music station.)